you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
