The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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