"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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