This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
