Need sex. Gaining weight.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My vagina is very pro this idea
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
