i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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