I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
