pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
