okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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