Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
