Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
NoShamevember. You game?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
