She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
