It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
