the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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