so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
