She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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