I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
