Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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