this beer tastes like vomit already
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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