girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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