READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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