He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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