i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
