shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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