Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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