# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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