my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
pray to the hookup gods
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All the doctor said was why
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
