just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
