its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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