I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
