Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
