Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
