Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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