I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
