Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
