the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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