Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
