He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
