4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
