Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I could fuck to npr.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
