It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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