I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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