hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
