I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
