ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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