So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
