Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
