dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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