You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
