So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
