It's a beautiful day for a hangover
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
